Monday, July 18, 2011

Let Me Ponder this for a Moment

So, hello everyone.

Yes I still exist, its amazing, isn't it?  Haha, anyway yeah, I finally got a summer job (albeit for only half the summer) lifeguarding at the Spring Valley YMCA.  I enjoy it for the most part, and I am getting pretty good hours so far (32 last week and >22 this week) which is very good.

Anyway, outside of that, I went on vacation to Disney World with my dad sister and aunt about 3 weeks ago, which was fun.  We also got to visit my Mummum and Poppop Neil which was nice.

The rest of my summer has mostly been spent just relaxing.  Next friday I'm going down to spend the day with my AWESOME girlfriend, Natalie.

That's about as caught up about my life as you need to be.  Now onto the meet of this post. I would like to focus on wisdom in this post.

Wisdom is always an interesting topic.  Its very highly valued in the bible (mentioned numerous times in both testaments) and also (most of the time) by the world.  Wisdom is also what cemented Solomon as one of the premier kings of the bible.  In fact, he is likely the second most highly regarded king, second only to his father David (his wealth and power actually exceeded that of David).  However, Solomon did not have to end up this way.  He attained his notoriety in one specific incident detailed in 1 Kings (Chapter 3).  One night Solomon went to a local place of worship (the most important one in Israel) and made a very large (1,000) burnt offering to the Lord.  That night, as he lay sleeping, the Lord appeared to Solomon and asked him "What do you want?  Ask and I will give it to you."  Solomon could have asked for many things, such as long life, a prosperous reign, power, victory over his enemies, etc but he did not.  Solomon was smart enough to know that with only one of those things he would likely not receive any of the others.  So what did he do?  He asked for wisdom.  This is how it went.


7 “Now, O Lord my God, you have made me king instead of my father, David, but I am like a little child who doesn’t know his way around. 8 And here I am in the midst of your own chosen people, a nation so great and numerous they cannot be counted! 9 Give me an understanding heart so that I can govern your people well and know the difference between right and wrong. For who by himself is able to govern this great people of yours?”
10 The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for wisdom.11 So God replied, “Because you have asked for wisdom in governing my people with justice and have not asked for a long life or wealth or the death of your enemies—12 I will give you what you asked for! I will give you a wise and understanding heart such as no one else has had or ever will have! 13 And I will also give you what you did not ask for—riches and fame! No other king in all the world will be compared to you for the rest of your life! 14 And if you follow me and obey my decrees and my commands as your father, David, did, I will give you a long life.”
By asking for this one thing, Solomon also gained everything else he could have asked for.  It is incredible what Solomon receives in addition to his wisdom (and partially because of it).  Solomon became the premier king of Israel.  
Despite how great all of that is I want to more closely examine Solomon's speech before asking for wisdom.  More specifically what he viewed as his greatest problem.  Solomon states that he is like a small child, basically saying that he feels lost and he is worried that he is not ready for ruling over such a numerous people.  This is a legitimate concern that Solomon raises that must be addressed.  Instead of taking the easy route and simply asking God to address his concern, he asks for something that will allow him to fix the issue alongside of God.  God is extremely pleased and grants Solomon so much more than what he asked for.  
After reading this about 3 days ago I was struck by something in this.  Perhaps we should model our prayers and requests to god after Solomon's I thought to myself.  Perhaps next time I needs God's help with something instead of asking him to fix it I should instead ask for his wisdom and guidance in resolving the problem myself.  
I would like to challenge the two of you who read this to try this the next time you come before God with an issue.  Instead of asking God to fix whatever issue you may have, ask him to give you the wisdom, guidance and strength to resolve the issue with his help. I will be.
Anyway, this was a really long post for a really short challenge, but I feel like if we attempt it, we might find that we are much closer to God and our problems resolve much faster (note that I am saying that God cannot resolve our problems).
Well, I hope this makes sense.
Until next time,
Godspeed

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Stream

The gentle tinkle of water falling over moss covered rocks tickles my ear.  I glance down at the babbling brook I have stumbled upon and smile.  The beauty is brilliant.  The sun flashes off the small waves, shooting light in every which way like small shards of glass.  Patterns dance into and out of focus on the bed of the stream.  I can smell the dampness and woods all around me.  I breathe in deeply and smile to myself, it is perfect.  In that moment I decide I have to follow this busy brook as it bubbles and bounces from rock to rock.  I start off taking a leisurely stroll along the edge marveling at every sharp turn that it makes.

As I continue down the stream it gets more and more difficult to follow.  I begin to encounter prickly thorn bushes and gnarled roots reach from the ground as if to trip me.  Sometimes the path gets so difficult that I am forced to leave the streams edge.  At first I don't notice it getting farther and farther from me.  Eventually I do though and I anxiously make my way back.  I want to follow the stream for as long as possible just to be near its beauty and serenity.  

The path of the stream seemingly follows no logic as it meanders along the forest floor, and yet I sense that in reality everything it does makes perfect sense.  This logic is just beyond my grasp and it frustrates me.  Eventually I give up and notice that I have strayed from the stream again because of the difficulty of the path.  There are thorn bushes everywhere and rocks are strewn along the bank of the little stream.  I fight my way back and continue to press on.  I can tell that very few people have ever walked this far before.

The growing difficulty feeds my desire to follow the stream farther and farther.  The smell of unpolluted air drags my nose onwards and the sound continues to ease my burdened ears.  The temperature is just right easing my passage slightly and what a relief it is, for the path is now nearly untraversable.  I am constantly being forced fromt he side of the stream and it worries me.  

Finally I come to a clearing and look around.  I am surrounded by the beauty of nature.  I take a moment to relax and enjoy the peaceful place I have discovered.  I marvel at the small plants growing in the shade of the huge trees.  Everywhere there is life.  Things are beginning to sprout new growth after the test of winter.  I marvel at the wonder of nature and all its beauty and smile.  Unfortunately my watch reminds me it is time to head back.  I slowly scan where I am one last time, sigh, and turn to begin the treck back.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had the idea to write this while I was walking down a stream (imagine that).  I just felt in awe of the beauty that God had made in nature.  It was a very relaxing experience.  I would really have liked to write this as a poem, but a poet I am not, so I chose to use very poetic prose instead (thus the large descriptions).  As with most of what I write there is a hidden meaning in this piece.  If anyone figures it out they get a cookie (if I don't eat it first)  

Until next time,
Godspeed

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Written on my heart

Hey all, so its been forever since I’ve written anything on here and I felt like I should write something, but first let me give a quick update.  Just so everyone knows, I made it to Florida (for those of you who don’t know the cru band is playing at Big-Break which is a conference held in Panama city, Florida).  The view from our hotel is great and I’ll post pictures later.  We play for the first time tonight.  Anyway, that’s about all for now.  Hopefully I’ll get some recordings so you guys can hear.&  Here’s what I wanted to write about.

So today I was having my morning Jesus time when I came across the passage Psalm 40:8.  It reads, “I desire to do your will, my God; Your law is within my heart.”  This got me to wondering, what exactly does it mean to have God’s law and word written (or contained) in our hearts.&  This imagery about the law and God’s word comes up a few other times throughout the bible as well, so it must be important (I don’t have internet as I am writing this otherwise I would look the passages up).  Anyway, after thinking about it for a while (aka meditating on it) I decided that, at least to me (and God seemed perfectly fine with it as well), it means that we need to love what God love and hate what God hates.

Now that seems fairly simple but there are a few things that should be noted, mostly about the hate.  First let me say that this is an individual idea.  In that I mean that I should love what God loves (such as the poor, everyone, myself, good works, the planet, ect.) and I  should hate what God hates (i.e. sin, not helping the poor, ect.).  I feel as if I am still being slightly confusing, so let me try again.  When I am doing good or see someone else doing good, I should have joy well up inside of me.

The same goes for when I break or see the law being broken. I should feel disgust and hatred, maybe even fear. This especially holds true when we are committing the acts.  Part of the reason I think that many people have one sin they struggle with for all time is because they know that its not good, but they don’t despise it like God does.  The only reason they know that what they are doing is bad is because God’s law tells them that it is bad.  They don’t have an internal dislike of what they are doing, therefore it is extremely hard for them to stop.  This holds true for when we witness someone else breaking the law, however we need to be careful.  We should not like it when we someone committing a sin; however, we must still love that person, even more than someone who is not living in God’s law.  They need our help (either so that they can learn the law and about God, or so that if they need support [as in they already believe in God but are slipping up] we can give it to them).  Basically I am saying that we should hate the act that the person is doing, but we cannot judge them (which is part of the law).

Anyway, those were just some of my thoughts on that verse, and since I haven’t written anything in a while I thought it would be good to post on here.  One last thing, if everyone could just keep myself and the band in their prayers this week, and just ask that we could effectively lead worship for this conference that would be great.

Until next time,
Godspeed.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

An update

I figured I should probably write an update for this since I haven't in absolutely forever so here goes.

First I just want to point out that I have the most awesome girlfriend this world has ever known.

Second I want to say that school is going pretty well.  Most of my classes are much easier than I once thought.

Third we've created a myspace page with live recordings from Thursday nights at Cru (I play the drums) you can find it a www.myspace.com/wvucruband .

Fourth, I'm kinda hyper right now, yay for going to the gym.

Fifth, I've been going to the gym regularly now (with the exception of last week).

Sixth, for those of you who haven't seen me since last summer, I lost weight so i'm skinnier than I was.

Seventh, umm my grandma and mom and dad are all awesome people.

Eighth I love my brother and sister.

Tenth, wait, were did nine go.......

Nine, God is an Awesome God  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLHNNyWlTio

Eleventh, I'm gonna stop now

So until next time, which will hopefully be a lot sooner than last time,
Godspeed

Friday, January 7, 2011

Night

What is it about the night that causes us to lower our guards?
Why is it that we feel so vulnerable it the darkness?
Is it because we lose other senses?
Perhaps its because we are often left to our own thought.
Often I feel it is because we are creatures who need the light and therefore want companionship to make it through the dark.
Maybe its because we lower our guards because there is only us and those we invite to share in the night with us.
Maybe its because thats when the devil attacks us the most.

I don't know which of these answers or questions is true, all that I know is that the soul is vulnerable at night and desires company.

It leads us to talk about things we would never talk about in the light of day.

Hey, maybe its because we want to hide what might come out, and what better place to do it than in the darkness.

So nope, this is nothing like i normally write but then again what i normally write is written during the day. I don't really mean anything to come of this post, its just really my thoughts as they flowed out of my head.  And if anyone is worried about me for something (i don't know why this post would make you worry but just in case) don't, there's no reason to worry.  Heck, i'm not even worried about anything myself right now.

Anyway,
Until Next Time,
Godspeed

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas story (according to matthew)

Matthew 1:8-2:12
8 This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. 19 Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.
 20 But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21 She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”
 22 All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: 23 “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”).
 24 When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. 25 But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.

1 After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem 2 and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.” 3 When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. 4When he had called together all the people’s chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Messiah was to be born. 5 “In Bethlehem in Judea,” they replied, “for this is what the prophet has written:
 6 “‘But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
   are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for out of you will come a ruler
   who will shepherd my people Israel.’”

 7 Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. 8 He sent them to Bethlehem and said, “Go and search carefully for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.”
 9 After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen when it rose went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. 10 When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. 11 On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. 12 And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Them

Have you heard of them?

No? Well thats surprising.  You should have.

Are you sure you haven't heard of them?

I'm quite certain you know who they are, you just don't realize it.

Maybe if I tell you a story you'll remember.

You say you don't have time for a story?

Nonsense, it won't take but a minute.

Alright, I won't keep you long I promise.

Just for ease of telling this tale I'll refer to them as a male and a female but the gender has nothing to do with it o.k.?

Good, here we go.



He was walking down Luke street on April 15, troubling himself with the path the world was choosing.  He passed many people and knew all of them by name.  Many smiled and waved at him, calling out hello.  Many more shouted insults at him and made obscene gestures.  The largest group of all however was those who ignored them.

As he continued down the street suddenly he noticed her sitting at a coffee shop.  She was the most beautiful person he had ever seen.  She walked with the grace of a queen and acted in a like-wise fashion.  She was perfect in his eyes and he immediately knew he had to have her.  Unfortunately she was one of the ones who was ignoring him.  He bided his time and decided to wait.

The next day he noticed her again, this time as she walked by him.  He smiled and said hello but she just brushed on by.  Again he let her go, knowing his time would come.

They passed on the next day as well, but this time he bumped into her causing her to drop the stack of papers she was carrying.  Sheepishly he helped her to pick them up while apologizing profusely.  She told him to pay better attention next time, turned and walked off.

They continued to pass each other day after day and she continued to ignore him as best as she could.  Never once did he grow disheartened though.  He even began writing a book just for her so that he could give it to her.  He knew that his time would come.

One day while passing her, he noticed she was crying.  He stopped and asked her why.  She shouted at him to leave her alone.  Her grandfather had just died and she wanted nothing to do with him.  He responded that he could help her.  She got up, slapped him and left.

For a long time he let her be.  Allowed her to calm herself and deal with her grief however she felt was best.  Then he decided the time had come to make another attempt.  This time things went differently.  He found her sitting on a bench sniffling again, on the brink of tears.  He asked what was wrong and she said she was lonely and that she was glad he had come.  She began to pour out how she had been thinking about him and how she had talked to her friends who knew him and how everyone had said that they should get to know each other. He just sat there smiling knowing he had finally won.

They talked for a long time and she apologized for all that she had done to him.  She admitted that she was originally scared of him and what he might think of her.  He said it was ok, most people were.  She admitted how much she disliked herself.  He assured her she was perfect.  She said he was to good for her.  He said that was nonsense.  At the end of their talk he asked her if she would marry him.  She was surprised at how sudden it was but she agreed.

Shortly after this conversation the couple got married.  Her closest friends were there and cheered wildly for her.  The ceremony was short and simple but forever locked them together.  At the wedding he gave her the book and told that if she ever felt he was not with her she could go to the book to find him.  She placed the book in her bag promising to remember it.

After the wedding they went on a very long honey moon.  They were madly in love with each other.  Never once did they fight.  It was the most romantic of times.  They wondered how they had ever existed without each other.  As the romance continued she began to rely more and more on him filling her heart with everything that he was.  She even began to read the book he had written for her, at times pouring herself into with a vigor she didn't even replicate in her studies.  They also talked almost constantly during this honeymoon and the talks were always good.

Unfortunately this unbelievable love was not to last forever.  Shortly after their honeymoon her mother died of cancer.  She took it very hard.  He tried to comfort her but she wanted nothing to do with him.  She even stopped reading the book he had written for her, even though she loved it so much.  She began to ignore him again and he just gave her time and space.  Eventually as her wounds healed she returned to him apologizing again.

She decided to invite him to move into her house so that they could live together forever.  She lived on a unique road.  It was the first one to ever be named John street.  Their house was the fourth one down the street but was number 8 for some reason.

After buying the house they again experienced a time of great joy where they couldn't get enough of each other.  They would talk day and night and never got angry with each other.  She also resumed reading the book he had given her, digging deeper and deeper into the layers it offered.

Again this was not to last.  One day she lost her job and blamed it on him.  She shouted horrible things at him and forced him out of the house.  He was very sad and hoped dreadfully that she would allow him to return.

Three days later he returned to the house and knocked quietly.  She threw the door wide open begging him to come back and live with her again.  He smiled and stepped inside.  She said that she was horribly sorry and begged for his forgiveness.  He forgave her immediately.  She said she was worried he would never return.  He reminded her that as long as she had his book he would always be with her.


For a long time they continued to experience their ups and downs.  Whenever something happened to her she would blame it on him and kick him out for a few days but when he would come back she would allow him home.  One day he found the door locked.  He looked in the window and saw her with another man.  He banged on the door but she ignored him.  He sat on the steps and cried for a long time. Eventually the man she was with ran from the home and she stepped out and immediately began begging for forgiveness.  He forgave her immediately.

Their relationship was horribly strained.  He would catch her cheating on him many more times.  She would blame him for things many more times.  However, he always loved her and that never changed.  Whenever she allowed him to come back he was very excited.

Eventually the relationship began to even out.  When something bad happened to her she would go to him for support instead of blaming him.  He found her cheating on him less and less.  There love also became less passionate but much more mature.  In fact they loved each other more at this point than they had ever loved each other.  Durring this time she began to uncover the secrets hidden in his book both by asking him and through discovering them for herself.  This brought endless joy to the couple.

They grew old together that odd couple.  Never once did his love for her falter.  And never once did she fully kick him out of the house.  A greater love was never to be found.



So, that about wraps up my story.

Haha, thanks, I like it too.  Do you know who they are?

See I told you that you would know.

Alright, you can get going now, I hope you enjoyed my tale.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey everyone.  Thanks for reading this.  I know the style isn't the greatest but I really think that this does a great job of fulfilling its purpose.  Its a love story.  The greatest love story ever told.  If anyone can't figure out what this is about go ahead and send me a message on facebook.  There are quite a few hidden things throughout the story, so keep your eye open for them.

Until next time,
Godspeed.

Monday, December 20, 2010

That was fun

So tonight (well last night since its 1:30 am) I got to go back to my high school youth group to play and hang out like old times (it was supposed to be a reunion night). I had a really fun time getting to play with my good friend Taylor again, along with Brad and getting to play with a new guy (well I've played with him before and he certainly isn't new to the music business... but anyway i digress).  It was a blast and everything went really well.  I also got to bust out my drumset which is always a fun occasion.

Anyway as Taylor and I were off playing ping pong and then waiting for the service to start we noticed that the room was absolutely packed which was something we were not expecting at all.  I'm guessing there was probably between 60 and 70 people there, and maybe even 80.  For comparison when Taylor and I left this summer we were averaging about 30-40 on a good night.  I'm really happy that my youth group is growing again.

So part of the reason that I was so surprised to have discovered the large number of people there was that I honestly thought that the youth group needed to be restarted.  It had gone through an immense amount of change in the last two years, numbers where declining and the last vestige of what was once the core of the youth group was graduating.  I honestly could not see the youth group surviving the way that it was going but somehow it did.

I think that somehow is Adam Flora.   This is probably news to Adam but I've never really gotten along with him.  Its not that I didn't like him or think he was a great person, its just that he rubbed me the wrong way for some reason.  I guess our personalities didn't mix well.  However, after seeing what he has done with the youth group in the short time taylor and i have been away (along with the really surprising organization which is partially thanks to Andy) and a very nice conversation between myself, taylor, adam and jeff, i feel like  things have changed drastically and so has Adam.

Perhaps the best indicator that Adam has changed is the way he was talking about leadership and about his own past mistakes.  To me this wasn't Adam, however when he started talking about service leadership and how he had been trying to apply it in his own life my perception changed.  I never used to enjoy talking to him, again i'm not entirely sure why, but this conversation was actually really good.  (It was still tough to get a word in but hey, not everyone is perfect ;)  

Once again I'm really happy for what has happened to my youth group and for how much Adam has matured into a good leader and a good youth pastor.  This is something that i didn't expect happening for at least another year however I am very happy it has happened a lot sooner.

P.S.  I've learned that writing at 1:30am doesn't always make sense, however the general jist of this is a compliment to Adam so if anything seems contradictory to that it just because i'm tired while i'm writing this.

Friday, December 17, 2010

We

We ask
We think
We do
We blame

We ask why
We ask how
We ask did it have to
We ask will it last forever

We think too much
We think too little
We think if only
We think please stop

We toss
We turn
We hide
We shudder

We blame ourselves
We blame God
We blame the world
We blame another

But

Never once do we think ahead
Never once do we think back
Never once do we stop the thunder
Never once do we enlist another

yep poetry isn't for me but i was in a weird mood and felt like i had to write something and this is what came out... it honestly doesn't make sense, even to me very much, so yeah, it'll just kind of float away forever

Monday, December 13, 2010

Really?

So I'm a huge Philly sports fan (well in the sports that I actually care about) and therefore one of the main things I do when I'm bored is peruse the various sporting websites looking for information about the Phillies and Flyers.  Well I was making my mandatory 20th round today (since its essentially an off day with nothing to do) not expecting anything new to be there when all of a sudden I noticed this http://www.csnphilly.com/12/13/10/Phillies-among-three-finalists-to-land-C/landing_phillies.html?blockID=372509&feedID=704

I just figured it was some kind of cruel joke but decided to read it.  Apparently the Phillies really are in the Cliff Lee Sweepstakes.   I was pretty much amazed at this considering the Phillies were seemingly content to go into next season with what they had (and they would still be the favorites to win the nl, at least in my opinion).  That would be a legendary rotation and would easily make the Phillies the favorite for both this year and next year.

Anyway, now that I'm done salivating over that piece of information here's what I actually want to talk about.

Professional sports are ridiculous with the money they give to everyone.  Even the managers make upwards of 200,000 a year (more if you're on a really good team)  I mean honestly these people do not deserve this obscene amount of money.  What do they do that makes them worth so much?  Do they change the way we view the world (nope, and the normal salary for a physicist is around 100,000) do they attempt to cure the world of disease? Nope (salaries right around 100,000 again, maybe a little higher)  How about fight and die to protect our freedom? Nope.  Do they put out fires? Nope?

Now don't get me wrong, some of these people do great things with their money (take jamie moyer) but many just stash it away in material wealth.  What if instead of paying these players millions of dollars to play children's games they started paying to help the world.  What if instead of spending millions on stadiums they spent millions on homeless shelters.  What if instead of spending millions on equipment and specialized trainers they spent millions developing new technologies to help the sick.

What about a small step.  What if the fans refused to watch until owners start putting a spot for charity work into their budgets.... and make it at least 10% of the overall salary.  That would equate to about 15 million dollars from the phillies, and over 20 million from the red socks and yankees..... so almost 70 million a year from just three teams in just one sport.

Hey, this won't happen but I'm an idealist.  Imagine how much better the world would be if this were to happen.  Maybe people would actually be able to eat enough to keep from dying....

I feel sorry for all of those players who stockpile their cash.

I'll say it again--it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!"


Matthew 19:24

Monday, November 22, 2010

A quick thought

Last night, as I was trying to fall asleep, I began to think about how nothing in life is truly free.  When something in life is advertised as buy one get one free you are really just buying 2 items at half price each.  When someone writes please take me on something, you have to spend your time transporting it back to your house.  When a friend gives something to you, you had to put time into developing that relationship to the point where the friend is willing to give something to you.  I mean, to some extent everything in this world costs at least a little bit.  However, there is one thing that is free, and it is the greatest thing anywhere.  It is God's love, which he freely gives to everyone, whether they believe in him or not.  God's love is the only "truly unconditional" thing that is offered in our lives.  God loves everyone no matter what they do.  Isn't it just incredible to think that where absolutely nothing is truly free, the greatest thing we could be offered is absolutely free.  Hey, we don't even deserve it and its still free.... Our God truly is an awesome god.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Tossed by the Wind

Earlier this year I was given a verse that was supposed to be picked specifically for me.  It was Ephesians 4:14-16 which reads:
14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming.  15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the head, that is, Christ.  16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
 To be entirely honest with you I had no clue what the heck this verse meant, and had no clue what it was supposed to mean to me outside of the fact that it speaks of love.  In fact, to this very day I am still not entirely sure what all of this verse means or why it was picked for me.  I do think that I have some understanding of it now especially the first two verses.

Verses 14 and 15 are fairly clear I feel.  It actually plays on an idea from a book I had to read over the summer for college, which is horribly ironic because much of the book attacked the idea of faith.  In this book the author, Carl Sagan, makes a constantly repeated (quite unnecessarily I might add) to humanity to think critically about what they are told and to not just accept things.  This is a very important idea and one that really all should practice.  People these days are cunning, they can quote things to make them say anything.  For instance, did you know that the bible says "So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work." (Ecclesiastes 2:24).  Essentially we are being told that we are to only worry about eating and drinking (which likely is referring to alcohol) all our days.  This verse is essentially confirming that the way college students live (well the vast majority of them) is the correct way to live. 


What I didn't tell you is that verse 24 continues on to say "Then I realized that this pleasure is from the hand of God" which drastically changes the entire meaning of the verse.  It shifts from live without a care to enjoy life because God has given you many great things, and in verse twenty five the transformation is complete.  It states "For who can enjoy anything apart from Him" demonstrating that we still need to remain true to God and continue our relationship with him in order for eating and drinking to be beneficial (which could provide an extraordinary solution to the average college kid's life.... but that's for another time...).  


Anyway, now that I proved a point, here's how I would carry out practicing this idea of skeptical thinking.

  1. Make sure they give you a bible verse to back it up
    • If they do not then its very likely that they don't actually know what they are talking about however you should still go to step 3 just to make sure that God was using someone who is new in the faith and not entirely familiar with his word yet.
  2. If they do go and check out the verses that they used.  
    • Make sure they gave you the full verse and check out the surrounding context of the verse.  Does the verse still have the same meaning the speaker (or writer, or whoever) gave it when its placed with its neighboring scripture?  If the verse doesn't mean the same thing and is an integral part of their argument then you should really start to question whether the speaker was being truthful however if its only a minor basis for their argument then you should still check out step three.
  3. Finally, (and you really ought to do this first most of the time but oh well) look for yourself
    • Go to the bible, do your own research, pray about it.  Ask and you will receive.  I am quite confident that if you come and really search for the truth God will reveal it to you.  This is a bit tedious but can really help you ensure that what you are being taught is true. 
So that is my personal method for checking the validity of something that I don't think is true, however I must caution you that there is a difference between feeling that something isn't true and not wanting something to be true.  Not only can others deceive you into doing things that you shouldn't, you can also deceive yourself into not doing things that you should.  Remember, check all the verses, and the context of each verse, not just the verses that make what you want to be true true,

Finally, on to the last verse.  I'm entirely sure what this is supposed to mean, perhaps God is planning on using it for something in my future but anyway all that I can get from it (and in this case the surrounding context isn't much help either) is that the church is referenced as the body before with Jesus the head of the church.  Therefore the verse is saying that when the members of the church act in love the body of Christ will grow and spread, which I whole heartedly agree with however for some reason I still feel as if there is something more to it.  I just have no clue what it is at this moment.



Until next time,
Godspeed

p.s. for anyone who is interested I posted videos of the cru worship band from last week, you can find them on my youtube profile at http://www.youtube.com/user/aliounis?feature=mhsn

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Darkness

Hey all, like I said i'm trying to get back into writing this story i started forever ago.  I'm just gonna repost everything here since its been so long, but I am excluding chapter two right now, which is where I want to tell the story through Susan's point of view but realized that i have no clue how to think like a girl, lol, go figure.  Anyway, for those of you who have read parts of this before read through again because I've done a lot of editing and changed some parts.  I'm also thinking of changing the pastor scene to something else because I am beginning to have a different idea for some of the development of the story, but for now it's going to stay as it is until I think more about this other potential track.


Anyway, here you go.


btw, I really want comments and ideas, it would make my life a lot easier, and good ones, no just good job or interesting.



Intro
Darkness.   An absolute void where not one ray of light penetrated.  A darkness that deprives the mind not only of sight, but also of thought.  That’s all there was when I first opened my eyes.  At least, I thought I had opened them, but I couldn’t be sure.  As I slowly began to think again I noticed the cool, hard, smooth surface plastered to my face.  It almost felt like marble, but it was even smoother than it should have been.  I slowly slid my hands under my shoulders and tried to push myself up.  Before I was even to my hands and knees I fell back down.  It felt as if I hadn’t moved in weeks. Slowly reaching outwards I tried to create a mental map of my immediate surroundings.  To my right was a wall, to my left, more of the cold hard floor.  The wall felt as if it was standard dry wall, painted with really cheap paint. 
I tried to get up again but soon gave this up as a fruitless labor.  As I lay there panting I soon realized that I had no clue who I was, nor where I was.  As you can imagine, this was not a pleasant feeling.  I raced through my mind trying to find answers to what my past held in it.  Nothing was there.  It was as if I was searching for a contact in a room darker than the one I was in.  I grew frustrated.  “What is going on?!?!” I shouted.  Only the echo of my voice answered.  I could feel my heart rate quickening and panic setting in.  Not a shred of my identity remained.  I had no clue how old I was, if I had any family, why I was in this god forsaken place.  
Chapter 1
“You’ve really got to stop this…” my wife sighed, “every time you go out, you come home with numerous injuries and an excuse that doesn’t fit.”
“I told you, it was just a little mix up at work,” I shot back as I removed the ice from my eye and winced as she began trying to clean the gash on my leg.
“Just a little mix up?!  Jesus, Mark! You look as if you just got discharged from World War III.  How can you call that a little mix up?  And what I really want to know is how does your work cause you to get into fights?  You’re a freaking cashier at Walmart.  There is absolutely no reason why you should be getting into physical altercations.”
“Look, Susan, I already told you, some guy was trying to steal a camera and I chased him down.  He didn’t like that and thus this happened.  How was I supposed to know he had a knife?”
“Why didn’t you just call the police?”
“I did!”
“Oh, and I assume that they saw you and said ‘you look ok to me, you can go home now’ because you look just marvelous,” Susan replied.  I could sense the doubt in her voice; it was always there, ever since the first incident.  I wanted so bad to tell her what really was happening, that I really wasn’t a cashier at Walmart.  It hurt me so much to have to lie to her like this, but I couldn’t tell.  I never could.  It was for her own good.  If only she knew…
“I really don’t know how much more I can take of this Mark.”
“Please, just trust me,” I said as I looked into her eyes willing her to understand that I had no choice in the matter.  Her eyes were mesmerizing; they could freeze over the Amazon River with their glare and melt the ice caps with their affectionate glances.  Those eyes were just the tip of the beauty that was my wife.  A beauty she was, the most beautiful person in the world as far as I was concerned.   She had long black hair that fell to her shoulders.  She had a face that everyone could love and a body that could turn heads.
The physical appearance only scratched the surface though.  Susan was the most loving and caring person anyone could find anywhere on this planet.  Even when she was upset or angry she still had your best interests at heart.  I was so happy that we were together, in fact, I can say with certainty that it is impossible for any man to be happier with his spouse.
 She shook her head and began to stand.
“Look, I told you what happened. I’m sorry if you don’t believe me but that’s what happened,”   I blurted out.  Oh how it pained me to have to lie to her like this.  The words of my high school physics teacher briefly flashed through my mind.  “Never keep a secret from your spouse.  It is not a good idea.”  Ack!  I agreed so much with this statement, but he had never been in this situation, that much is for sure. 
“Humph!” Susan replied as she stood and walked out of the kitchen.  Our relationship was on its brink and nothing I could do could save it.  The only reason why we were still together was for the children, and even that was beginning to lose its purpose.  The children were the love of both our lives.  Few people could experience the same joy I could just by hanging out with those kids. There was Joey the cowboy, and the princess Shannon.  They were the pride of my life and I would do anything for them.
I decided that sitting around the house wishing things were different wasn’t helping anyone so I hopped in my 2000 Honda CR-V and shot out into the street.  I had absolutely no clue where I was going, just that I needed to get out and clear my head a little.  I hated it when Susan and I fought and tried to avoid fights at all costs.  The times when we did fight, which was becoming more and more frequent, I usually ended up here, behind the wheel of my reliable old CR-V.  That car probably shared more moments with me than anything else in my life.  It was my place to escape to, my safe house.
I started to reflect back on the last few years.  My marriage had taken a turn for the worse shortly after that one fateful night.  That one night is where all of this trouble began, where my life changed forever, for the better or worst.  That night and that man, that man who first intro….
“HONNNNKKKK!!!!”  My thoughts were interrupted by an angry driver behind me.  I had been day dreaming at a stop light again.  I quickly started through the intersection and turned off into the next driveway I saw as the other car sped around me.  I began to look around and tried to figure out just where I had taken myself this time.  I quickly came to realize that I was in the neighborhood where my good friend John lived.  John also happened to be my pastor.  I decided to drop by and see if he was around.  It always helped me to talk to him.
John was a very ecstatic and energetic man.  He was also very simple.  He lived in a small rural house that was quite literally in the middle of nowhere.  It had plain white siding and very standard looking windows.  The steps leading up to the front door, which was some faded and dirtied color that I think used to be blue but now looked off-white, were made of concrete and had cracks where they met.  
 “Ding-Dong” the doorbell sounded.  It was the most standard sound for a doorbell, and it fit John perfectly. 
“Mark!” John exclaimed as he threw wide the door.  We embraced and then I was whisked inside.  “How have you been?  Ohh I see you have been having more adventures, you must tell me everything.  We haven’t talked since Sunday, where have you been?”  John asked as he ushered me into his giant overstuffed armchair that had was now under stuffed.
John was the kind of person that was impossible to hate. He always had a smile on his face and genuinely cared for people. He also had that kind of air about him that said that it was ok to tell him anything you wanted to. 
 “You know I can’t tell you that,” I replied as I fiddled with a piece of the now almost nonexistent stuffing I had noticed sticking out of one of the seams.
“Yeah, whatever. All that bologna about ‘it’s top secret’ and ‘No one can know.’ I don’t believe any of it…” John said with a grin and a wink. I forced a half smile in return. “So how’s things between you and God?” John continued as he grabbed a chair from his kitchen table.
“O.K.” I replied.
“Been watching anything you shouldn’t?”
“Nope.”
As John continued through the standard accountability questions I began to dread more and more the last question he would ask. It was always a sore spot in our meetings. Then it arrived.
“Been reading your bible?” John asked with raised eyebrows.
“Ahem… Well… Umm…. No not really,” I conceded.
“Oh really? And why is that?”
“You know why!” This conversation had occurred so many times before that I had lost count. John just sat staring at me waiting for my answer. I sat there and glared back. The tension in the room was beginning to increase rapidly. Finally I gave in.
“I haven’t had time with work,” I grunted.
“So you’ve told me… Is that really a good answer?”
“It is the answer, what can I do to fix it? Nothing!”
“So you are trying to tell me that your job is more important than God?”
“No! That’s…”
“Ohh but it is. You are placing your mysterious job in front of something God wants you to do. You are stating that God is less important than your work.”
“What the heck am I supposed to do? I have a wife and three kids that I need to support. I can’t just quit!”
“Ahh, your wife, that would be why you are really here today, isn’t it. You are not just taking from God; you are taking away from her because you are never around, never tell her anything, and are always storming off.” John had this uncanny ability to know just why people came to him and a sometimes annoying habit of jumping from topic to topic. “I’m worried Mark,” John continued after a pause, “I have a feeling that your world is about to be rocked more than you can imagine. God is going to try and get your attention if you don’t change and you will not like it.”
A break in the conversation occurred. I contemplated what John had just told me. Eventually I decided to play it off as him just worrying about me.
“So will I be seeing you this Sunday morning? Mitchell is leading an awesome worship set,” John started again.
“If everything goes as planned I’ll be there.”
“That’s good, I think you’ll find something in the sermon as well.”
“Oh really? What’s it about?”
“Come on Sunday and you’ll find out.”
“You can be so difficult, you know that?”
John just flashed that smile of his and replied, “I try my best.” At this we both shared a good laugh. “Hey, have you eaten yet? Where are my manners, I have a guest and still haven’t offered him any food,” John suddenly exclaimed.
“Actually, I am pretty hungry. I haven’t eaten since last night, but I really must be going. I think I’ll just pick up something on the way home.”
“Oh nonsense! You will stay and eat with me unless you can provide a real excuse, I’m making pierogis,” John said almost teasingly.
“No fair, you know I can’t resist you’re homemade pierogis,” I laughed out.
“Good, good. Make yourself at home, they’ll be done shortly.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Thanks for dinner John!” I called over my shoulder as I went to start my car.
“Oh, anytime Mark, you know you’re always welcome here.” He called back.  “Read your bible, and come to church on Sunday!”
“I’ll do my best,” I shouted back as I began to close the door.
“No more ex…:” was all that I could hear as the door closed.  I just smiled and waved and then turned to back out the driveway.  When I was on the road I waved once more to John and began to pull away.  In the corner of my rearview mirror I watched as John slowly shook his head and returned inside.  I knew he was very worried about me but he could never understand fully what I had to do and why I had to do it.   Heck, I barely understood most of it.  I just knew that if I didn’t  “HONKKKK!!!!”
I had been day dreaming at a red light again apparently.  I glanced in my rearview and went to wave an apology when I noticed…..
“Already? There can’t be something else already.  No, it just can’t be!” was all I could think.  “HONKKK!!!!” He was impatient this time, which wasn’t good.  Not good at all. 
I swung off into the side street hoping that I was mistaken, hoping to God that the black Mercedes behind me was just some especially restless driver who wanted to get going.  As soon as he turned into the street I knew that my hope was unfulfilled. He pulled in front of me and opened the door.
Chapter 2
To be written later....

Chapter 3
“Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock”
Time was counting down and the obscenely loud clock in the otherwise penetrating silence continuously reminded me of this.  Suddenly I heard a loud snore coming from the bedroom right above my head and knew it was time to go. 
I quickly began to creep up the stairs staying towards the outside so as to keep them from creaking.  I had no clue why all my objectives had to be in older houses but it always made things a lot more difficult.  At the top of the stairs I quickly slipped around the left corner of the walls into the small blind spot missed by the security camera that was supposedly situated directly above my head right now, or at least so I was told.  I stole a quick glance above me to confirm and sure enough there was the camera pointing down the hall. 
I reached up a very carefully stuck a small receiver onto the back of the camera.  “It’s a go Mingus,” I quietly whispered into the mic tucked onto the collar of my shirt. 
“You’re good in three…. two….   You’ve got 30 seconds, go!”  crackled in through my ear piece. 
I sure hoped this man was right, heck, I didn’t even have a clue where or who Mingus was.  Every member of the team was hidden from all others, and the team was always different.  No one even knew the overall mission except for whoever was in charge.  I had no clue what was going on, though I had a hunch that each and every “objective” I received was just a small part of some overall project.  About the only thing I knew was that about one year ago a man came up to me and told me that if I wanted to keep my wife and children from harm, and pay off those debts that I needed to do everything he said.
“What the …. are you doing, …. down to … seconds, get a move on …  gonna blow it!“ crackled through my earpiece.  Dang it, I had lost focus again.  I always had to make things difficult on myself.  I quickly moved down the hallway as silently as possible “6 … 4 …” came through again and I broke into a sprint.  Silence was no longer the utmost priority.  “2 … 1” and I was through the door trying to breathe as quietly as possible.  I knew that from this point forward I was on my own, Mingus was probably quickly packing up and getting ready to leave already, his part of the mission was done.  All I had to do was grab some small ring that whoever was sleeping in front of me kept on their bed stand.  All I was told was that it’s made out of pure gold so it will feel very heavy for its size and could be easily misshapen. 
I silently crept towards the table and grabbed the ring which was placed on one of those fake fingers you see in jewelry stores.  I then slid over to the window and searched to make sure that there were no security devices.  I was in luck, and slowly slid open the window and stuck my head outside.  I knew that there should be a camera directly below me and “mew.”
What was that? I quickly scanned the room, saw nothing and figured it was just my imagination playing tricks on me.  I returned to canvassing the ground below me.  There was another blind spot at the corner directly to my left and then a small area where I could run until I was in bushes and home-free.  I leaned out a little farther to look and see if there was anyway to get over to where I needed to but had to quickly stop to wipe my nose on my sleeve.  No need to leave DNA.  I once again leaned out when I felt something brush against my leg and heard “mew” once again. 
I immediately knew I was in deep trouble.  I looked down and there was a cat between my legs.  I immediately felt a sneeze coming on (I was horribly allergic to cats).  Grabbing my nose I frantically began my search trying to use my mind to keep the sneeze at bay.  It was no use and I let out a muffled sneeze.  The man in the bed rolled over, grunted, and resumed snoring.  Praising my good fortunes I quickly reached out and grabbed the hand hold I had seen and began to ease myself out of the window when I again felt something hit my leg, except this time it wasn’t the cat.  I turned and watched as the vase that was sitting next to the window began to wobble and finally fell to the floor with a crash. 
“Ahh, wha…, who’s there!” exclaimed the man as he hurriedly sat up in the bed rubbing his eyes. 
It was go time.  I flung myself from the window and aimed for the pool that was two stories below me hoping that it was a very deep one.  I landed feet first and plunged under and hit the bottom hard.  I felt a sharp pain flare up the side of my leg but still managed to push myself back to the surface.  I swam to the edge with the sound of the alarm going off behind me.  As I pulled myself I got up and limped as fast as I could towards the bushes directly in front of me.  I heard shouts and saw lights sweeping back and forth from behind me.  Finally I reached the bushes and jumped up onto the fence and began climbing. 
“Hey stop!” I heard followed by a loud boom of a gun-shot.  I was in trouble.  These people meant business.  I hurried up the fence and dropped down on to the other side, collapsing in a heap as I landed on my bad leg.  I quickly rolled into the next row of bushes and then crept off on hands and Knees as best as I could manage, having to take cover about every five minutes as they canvassed the area searching for me.  Finally after about an hour they stopped searching and I was able to make it to the road where I hopped into the Beemer that had been given to me to use and sped off to the drop off location.