Who Would've Thunk It

At the urging of taylor i have decided to post this.  For once I'm not really lookin for comments, this is what it is.  Just a warning this is extremely long, like a 10-20 minute read long so, good luck

Written 9/10/10

Hey everyone, its been such a long time since I've used this.  I really doubt I'm going to post regularly anymore so the two of you out there that enjoyed reading this, sorry but I just don't have a lot to say anymore.  Anyway, there are a lot of things I would like to talk about in this post.  (Note, this is a much more personal post than what y'all are used to, so if you don't really know me a lot might not make sense, plus its really really long).

First up let me detail a little of what happened in the long time since I last posted.

• I moved.  Thats right, I no longer reside in Oaks, now my mom lives in Limerick and my dad lives in Royersford.  

• I was successful with my staying off of the computer and only began using it again around the start of August.  It was a good experience and helped me achieve much of what I wanted to but not all of it.  If you want to know more you can talk to me in person some time and I'd be glad to share.  

• I went to the outer banks with my best friends from high school and had an awesome time.  (there's a lot of pictures of sunsets on my facebook page from there, haha, ask papa todd about that if you know him)

• Finally I've moved into college and been here for about 3 weeks

That final point brings me to the next section.  I currently can't believe where I'm at with my faith right now.  Those of you who know me and know the reputation WVU has might be thinking that I'm in a world of doubt, however that couldn't be more wrong.  And honestly that fact surprises me a lot.  Right before leaving for college I was in a horrible place spiritually.  I honestly felt like I was going to lose my fait within the first month of school here at WVU.  I doubted that God even existed, the first time I can say that in my life.  It was bad, and to make matters worse the summer reading book I was frantically reading was very anti-god for most of it and made some convincing arguments (though now I realize none had any facts to back them up, only emotional appeal).  

Honestly I had been that way for some time, perhaps even before PCTC.  Thats one of the main reasons I wanted to go to PCTC, was to try and rejuvenate my faith enough to make it to CIY where I could fully recharge (I know I sound exactly like what the CIY speakers and Brendo, Matt, and Adam always talk about avoiding but I was desperate).  PCTC came and went and really didn't do a lot for me, though it did make me think that the bible study we were starting with John Noonan would actually help a lot with my declining faith as well.  

Unfortunately the bible study fell apart so I began to hold on until CIY rolled around.  During this time I had to fill out a ton of crap for college and somehow managed to forget to pick a date for my orientation. Luckily I could still sign up, but there was a major problem.  The only available orientation session was on the Monday that CIY started.  There was no way around it so I had to sign up for that date.  Eventually my parents agreed to let me go to CIY after the orientation session (we hadn't picked how yet but we had options).  

So anyway, I was stoked because it was getting close to CIY then one day while having our Jesus time for student band Scott (or Adam?) came in and said that they had some news to tell us.  When my friend Taylor asked if it was good or bad, we got a "it depends" which of course is never good.  I figured that someone was leaving again to go to another church.  Taylor guessed that CIY was cancelled.  He was closer.  CIY was being moved to a later date and a closer location because the church couldn't afford to send us out to michigan where we planned to go.  

Personally I thought that it sucked because I was really looking forward to the band that was going to be at michigan but overall I still knew it would be awesome no matter where we went.  Then things started to happen.  No one was going to CIY (that I knew).  Not a single one of my close friends wanted to go.  I don't know why, you'll have to ask them (though I suspect it was because they were really upset with the ministry for reasons I'll never understand).  Now I had a major decision to make.  I couldn't decide whether to go to CIY or not.  To me CIY was about the worship and fellowship and if you take away the fellowship then even the worship leaves a sour taste.   I mean, I would have known almost no one.  Eventually I decided that with no one going (not even Scrussle (who had a semi-legitimate excuse) or Noonan (who had a legitimate excuse) were going)  it would not be able to have the same effect it normally would so i begrudgingly decided to not go.  

At this point I was really worried, my faith was disappearing more every day, I was in the midst of a move that saw me leave the only house I had memories in (that I actually lived in), and I was having being buffeted by all of the crap I had to do for college.  I also began to realize at this time that my closest friends and I were not as close as we all liked to think.  Don't get me wrong, we all loved each other (in a platonic way) and any one of us would do something for anyone else, but that deep relationship was missing.  The one where absolutely nothing is hidden between people.  This type of relationship was almost entirely missing from our group.  

So anyway there I was, feeling alone, loosing my faith (which is the foundation for my morals) and going to one of the biggest party schools the world has to offer.  I was dreadfully afraid that WVU would be the end of my belief in God and even got to a point where I accepted it and, dare I say it, looked forward to no longer having such a strict moral code to adhere to.  Those moments, leading up to the day I left where the absolute closest I've ever been to becoming an atheist.

Anyway, I got here to WVU and figured that I would hold on as best I could and as long as I could to the one thing that most defined my life up to this point.  I didn't expect to last long but I figured I'd give it a try.  On the third day we were there (or something like that) the school had a picnic dinner for freshman.  

At the dinner some of the groups on campus set up booths that you could visit.  I was wandering around looking at the booths (looking for the frisbee team) when I saw something called CRU (Campus Crusades for Christ).  I figured I would go check out what it was because not much else was happening and I found out that they were a Christian group that met on thursday nights.  I asked one of the people at the booth what they normally did and they said that they normally had some worship then a lesson and then some more worship.  It sounded a lot like what we did at Riot before moving to the warehouse so I figured I would check it out to see if I would like it.  As I continued wandering I came up to another group called MCM (Mountain Campus Ministries) who gave me a free chicken sandwhich card from chick-fil-a (of course :D).  I asked them what they were normally like and got pretty much the same description as from CRU (except they met tuesdays).  I figured I would go check them out as well and maybe decide between the two and see if either was worth my time (remember I am still on the brink of giving up my faith at this point).

Well I went to MCM first (because tuesday comes before thursday) and met some really cool people.  There were about 15 people or so and it reminded me of when we used to meet in the office at CCV.  Everyone there was very accepting and it was kind of refreshing to experience such a small group again after so long.  Anyway I went back to my dorm that night and figured I would wait until thursday to decide.  (I'm pretty sure that all of the people at MCM thought I would never come back, and for a little bit I'll admit that I let at least Shane believe that).  

Anyway, on thursday I went to CRU and was pretty surprised, they had like 300 people there (or so I'm told, and it looked like it) and had a live band just like at CCV.  I had a lot of fun and even talked to the worship leader about joining the band even though I hadn't fully decided if I was going to come.  

Anyway on that Friday I figured I would go to both for a while.  And here's where the title of this post comes from.  Somehow, during all the courses, and all the homework, and everything else that a freshman has to deal with I noticed that I wasn't as worried that my faith wasn't going to collapse anymore.  Then I got thrown into the worship band at CRU because they didn't have a drummer for the next week, and at the first practice I had a lot of fun and felt close to God again for the first time in forever.  Now I'm at a place in my faith where I haven't been in nearly two years, and feel as close to God as I ever had.  I'm also playing at CRU again next week which will be a lot of fun again (especially since they have a drum shield and let me play as loud as I want :D(I even got told to play louder at times... I can't remember the last time I've been told that for a worship band)).

So, who would've thunk it.  I came to one of the biggest party schools on this planet with my fait in shambles and now somehow its better than its ever been before.  Go figure, I guess man truly never will understand the ways of God.  

Anyway, this is a pretty personal post, as I'm sure y'all could tell.  And I am planning on doing one like I used to in the near future just for my buddy Talon but haven't decided what it'll be about yet.  

So until next time,

Godspeed