a summer reflection

This summer has brought me through the best of times, and the worst of times. I have learned a lot about my self and strengthened many of my friendships. At points I have felt closer to God than I ever thought possible, while at others, farther. I took the trip of a lifetime to Europe with one of my best, and longest known friend. I have become more open and a lot more social. I have undertaken things more dificult than I could ever imagine all in the name of my faith. This was a summer of change.

This summer has also left me with many questions. The primary question is what am I to do with my life. I've spent my entire life and school career on a path to become a scientist, but is that really what I should be doing for the rest of my life? I have no clue. For a while I thought God might be calling me into ministry, but once again, I am no longer sure. Should I go into music? Should I go into ministry? Should I become a chemist? there has to be an answer somewhere out there and i just hope it comes soon, seeing as I need to start looking at colleges and will eventually need to pick my senior schedule.

Another question that has been thrown into my lap is how does one live a truly Christian lifestyle in a world that is so soft? (see Mike's Hard Lemonade) I mean, we can go through the motions, but the bible is quite clear on what we should be doing, and it seems like very few people are following it.

One thing that this summer has shown me is that I do have a limit. I've always been a person who loves to do the behind the scenes stuff, like set up and tear down. I never would have thought that i would ever loose this drive. Apparently i can. After returning from Europe i looked forward to going back to RIOT at CCV and seeing all my friends, and getting back to helping out, but when i saw the condition things where in i lost it. I just could not believe what had happened. I did minimal set up and then just wandered around the rest of the night. There was no desire in me to help any one at all. this lasted for about two weeks, but luckily my drive has returned. I just hope that it never leaves me again.

Another thing that i learned this summer is God puts the people who are in your life for a reason. I realized just how much i have to offer to many people out there, and have done my best to do so. It amazes me how many people have stories similar to mine, when i had gone through life thinking that i was the only one. For instance, at CCV's Escape camp for high schoolers thre was a time where the speaker, Jeffery Dean, called for people to step out for something or other. I don't remember what we were supposed to be stepping out for but i do know that i really had no reason to. The question didn't apply to me at all, or something like that, but for some reason i just got up and went. outside we eventually split into small groups where i talked to two people who's stories where very similar to mine. I was able to offer suggestions, and am just amazed at what happened.

Another thing i learned this summer is that the opposite gender is very distracting, and thats all i'll say about that for now.

The CIY conference this year was amazing. well, most of it any way. I had a great time, and at the end was changed forever twice. However, the beggining of the conference was not so great. I had no clue why i was at the conference and was feeling tarther from God than i had ever before. However, at the end, God and me had never been closer. This feeling even continued althroughout my trip to Europe and then climaxed after escape. I was reading my bible, and praying probably close to five or six times a day in ernest. I have come down a little from this Christian high but am still going strong.

for now thats all i'll write, sorry bout the lack of organization, although i don't even thinks anyone reads this blog but w/e

School starts in less than three weeks, ughh

I'm almost excited for band again